There are many ways in which a mother's needs, wants, and desires can become overbearing in a family.
Ted grew up with a mother who was a master at the guilt trip. Anytime Ted did not do what his mother wanted, he was hit with a litany of shame-based comments:
- "What have I done wrong that my own son won't love me enough to do what I want him to do?"
- "I am so disappointed in you."
- "I expected so much more from you. How could you have let me down like this?"
Ted spent his growing-up years conforming to the wishes of his mother.
Jerry's mother lived with the disappointment of having married a man who used her, then abused her, and ultimately discarded her for a younger model. Jerry ended up trying to make up for his father's shortcomings.
Jerry spent his growing-up years trying to be the man for his mother that his father had failed to be.
Jake's mother struggled with depression throughout his years at home. He learned at an early age that he should put aside his needs and wants so that he could tend to those of his mother.
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Jake spent his growing-up years trying desperately to make his mother happy.
The specific circumstances for Ted, Jerry, and Jake were different, but in each case, these men had spent the early years of their lives denying their own needs, wants, and desires in an effort to meet those of the most important woman in their lives.
So what happens to the Teds, Jerrys, and Jakes of the world once they fall in love?
Once there is a new most-important-woman in their lives, how do their growing-up years play themselves out?
Generally, not so well.
Here are the patterns that one can predictably anticipate when a man has grown up with a mother whose needs and wants have ruled the roost.
[1] Weak And Wimpy --- Having never learned how to hold his own with the important woman in his life, he lacks a backbone with the woman he loves.
Read more
Ted grew up with a mother who was a master at the guilt trip. Anytime Ted did not do what his mother wanted, he was hit with a litany of shame-based comments:
- "What have I done wrong that my own son won't love me enough to do what I want him to do?"
- "I am so disappointed in you."
- "I expected so much more from you. How could you have let me down like this?"
Ted spent his growing-up years conforming to the wishes of his mother.
Jerry's mother lived with the disappointment of having married a man who used her, then abused her, and ultimately discarded her for a younger model. Jerry ended up trying to make up for his father's shortcomings.
Jerry spent his growing-up years trying to be the man for his mother that his father had failed to be.
Jake's mother struggled with depression throughout his years at home. He learned at an early age that he should put aside his needs and wants so that he could tend to those of his mother.
Related Links
Jake spent his growing-up years trying desperately to make his mother happy.
The specific circumstances for Ted, Jerry, and Jake were different, but in each case, these men had spent the early years of their lives denying their own needs, wants, and desires in an effort to meet those of the most important woman in their lives.
So what happens to the Teds, Jerrys, and Jakes of the world once they fall in love?
Once there is a new most-important-woman in their lives, how do their growing-up years play themselves out?
Generally, not so well.
Here are the patterns that one can predictably anticipate when a man has grown up with a mother whose needs and wants have ruled the roost.
[1] Weak And Wimpy --- Having never learned how to hold his own with the important woman in his life, he lacks a backbone with the woman he loves.
Read more
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